Embrace Your Feelings, With All It's Entirety

We all have our “off days” where we just feel disconnected from the world. You can’t really pinpoint the exact emotion you’re feeling— you’re not sad nor mad at anyone or anything in particular, you just feel empty. It’s hard to describe but trust me when I say that when you feel it, you really feel it…

I don’t know why but emptiness is the heaviest feeling of all. You feel like there’s a big hole where your heart is suppose to be. No emotions, just emptiness. Nothing else can compare but like I said, we all go through those days.

I learned to accept that everyone goes through their fair share of “off days” but lately my “off days” were becoming “off-weeks” and these weeks turned into months and now they’ve become more of a constant in my life and all these emotions have been gnawing at me. What makes matters worst is that I haven’t even been able to pinpoint the exact cause for it all.

Maybe it’s not just one thing that’s causing this? Maybe it’s an accumulation of multiple factors that’s been building on top of one another. Maybe it’s all in my head…Whatever it is, it’s been making me feel absolutely helpless.

I no longer felt the need to vent my feelings to someone or even take the time to really cope with this unsettling feeling at all because it just all seems so pointless. Why give it the time of day when I don’t even know the root of the problem?

I spent this whole time tucking it in the corner in hopes that things will somehow get better. If I just avoid that empty feeling and distract myself it’ll all go away, right?

If only it were that easy.

Avoiding the situation only made matters worse. I found myself feeling so robotic and artificial. Nothing I did ever felt real. I’d just go through the motions of my days never really enjoying it. I force myself to preoccupying my mind with friends, partying, and other distractions but the truth is, all the distractions did was give me temporary happiness and that empty feeling? Just got worse with time.

I spent all this time trying to avoid the problem, acting like this emptiness was just a (long) phase that I’ll overcome with time but what I’ve learned is that if I’m ever going to overcome this and be myself again, I have to let myself sulk in my misery.

Sounds ironic, doesn’t it? But wait, just hear me out…

Sometimes the best thing you can do is allow yourself to embrace your feelings. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, the good and the bad. Cry, shove your face in a pillow and scream at the top of your lungs, whatever it takes. Just don’t bottle it all up.

And that’s what I need to do — take the time to embrace my emotions in all its entirety and as a natural result, I’ll be able to really analyze why I’m feeling so out of it and finally move past this funk that I’m in.

These past few months, although filled with some of the best memories, have also been filled with some pretty rough times. Some days I felt so detached — from my family, friends, and even with myself. I’ll feel happy but in just a matter of minutes, that happiness will be clouded by feelings of sadness, annoyance, or even frustration. My mind has been restless and emotions, all over the place. The feeling’s been so overwhelming that being around people feels so draining.

I haven’t been the positive, optimistic Cindy in a while.

But it ends here.

I’m tired of allowing this emptiness weigh so heavy on my heart. I’m ready to move forward and that begins with me truly dealing with whatever it is that’s causing me to feel the way I do.

“Until you conquer the enemy in yourself, you can’t deal with anyone.”

So, note to self— Allow yourself to feel your emotions and I mean really feel it. Truly embrace it, in all its entirety. But remember, don’t sulk in it for too long because that will just lead to more self-pity and who wants that? But really, embrace it then figure out what’s causing it. What is it that’s holding you back from enjoying life? Figure it out? Now get rid of it. It’s toxic to your happiness. Cleanse yourself from all the negatives in your life to make room for things that will make you happy.

I’m not saying that my life is going to miraculously get better over night. It’s a process and a long one at that but it all starts with me finally accepting that there is a problem.

I’m in a funk.

But knowing that this funk isn’t going to last forever, that is what’s keeping me going.

It’s a bad day, not a bad life.

Remember that.