One Day

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I love the feeling of certainty and being in control but falling for you, that was something that was out of my control. I guess it’s true what they say, you can’t choose who you fall for. You blindsided me and for the first time in my life I finally knew what it felt like to be vulnerable enough to fall for someone and let them in. It’s crazy what can happen in such a short period of time but somehow, you had me hooked. The way you kissed me, challenged me intellectually, your persistency, everything about you really — charmed me into breaking down the walls surrounding my heavy heart and falling hopelessly for you.

“You really adore me, don’t you?”

If you only knew the half of it…I looked at you like you put the stars in the sky and despite all the red flags warning me to be cautious, I was ready to let you call all the shots because honestly, I just wanted to be yours.

But it was all too good to be true and what we had ended as quickly as it started. I remember the text messages so vividly— I really like you but…my reckless behavior will hurt you…maybe we rushed into it…you deserve better…The conversation still replays in my head over & over again, wondering why it had to end so suddenly. What was the point of being so persistent on making me fall for you when you weren’t even ready to catch me?

You asked me why it was so hard for me to let you in and be honest with you about my feelings when in reality, all I ever did was try to be honest with you. For once in my life, I let myself let someone in. I allowed myself to finally be vulnerable with someone. I thought I was doing everything right but I guess it just wasn’t enough to make you stay.

I wasn’t enough to make you stay.

You said you weren’t ready to be what I needed and that your complicated lifestyle will only hurt me, yet I see that you moved on. I was curious as to why you stopped hitting me up all of a sudden. Now I know, you have her.

You said that you weren’t ready for something serious but we both know the truth. I just wasn’t the girl to make you change your ways, I just wasn’t enough for you.

One day I’ll move on. One day I’ll stop yearning for you. One day I’ll stop replaying our relationship in my head, wondering what I could’ve said or done differently to make you stay. One day you’ll become a distant memory and this constant heart ache that forces me to stay up late at night because the pain is too much to ignore, it will go away…Maybe one day I’ll even look back and laugh at how foolish I was to let a guy like you hurt me so much.

But for now I’ll be here, hoping for that “one day”