I Choose Me

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I think it’s natural to feel some sort of obligation to your parents. You owe them your life. First and for most, they gave you life. They sacrifice so much for your well being and all they ask in return is for you to be their ideal child. All a child could ever want is to make their parents happy but that sense of obligation can only last for so long before it all weighs so heavy on your shoulders. There comes a point when you realize that you have to live your life for you and only you. No one else, not even your parents.

My love for my parents is sacrificial. It’s that typa love where I would’ve done anything for them and most cases, I did. I drowned myself in my studies — for them. I eventually quit dance, choir, and even colorguard (even though these activities made me the most happy) — for them. I overloaded in leadership positions since the age of 10 — for them. I stayed local for college — for them. I even let my parents dictate my hair color, whether or not I can wear certain clothes, pierce (more like not pierce) certain body parts, and even which make up products I can use. Everything I did was for my parents and somewhere along the way I questioned how much of it was even for myself.

But despite how much I tried to be their ideal daughter, my best never felt good enough. I was too opinionated. Too stubborn. Too rebellious. Too outspoken. I even had too many friends. I was always “too much” but never once was I ever enough.

I didn’t want to be “too much” but as a result, I became less. In the midst of pleasing my parents, I sacrificed what’s most important. Myself. But I’m tired of it, so overwhelmingly tired of shrinking myself for the benefit of others. It’s not my job to limit myself in order to better the lives of other people, even if those people are my parents.

My parents are my everything but sacrificing things that make me happy, feeling guilty for wanting something is not worth it.Why should I hinder my own self growth and my own happiness in order to fulfill the expectations my parents had of me being their ideal daughter? What’s wrong with how I already am? Who I am, my thoughts, my feelings, my voice. It all matters. I matter.

I’ve spent 21 years revolving my life around them and I refuse to spend the next 21 years continuing to do so. I’m only this young once and I want to live my life for me.

I want to choose my own happiness. I want to choose self growth. I want to choose me.