Realizing

I wonder…

I wonder why I chose to love someone who was so unlovable

Give my all to someone so incapable of letting me in

I wonder why I kept tolerating your bad behavior.

I wonder why I kept holding on to something that was never meant to be

Someone who was never ready to be loved by me

When he wasn’t even ready to love himself

And I spent this entire year bending and folding…

Exhausting my whole being

Trying to heal. Trying to grow. Trying to save an already broken man.

I dimmed my light because I never wanted to see his flame go out

But I ended up getting burned along the way

I wonder why my heart could never let you go

When your heart was never mine to claim

Why my soul kept trying to make a home of you

When yours just kept pushing me away

I wish you saw how worthwhile you are

How much light I saw in you, despite all the darkness

I wish you didn’t think I was always tryna get under your skin, I just wanted you to let me in

I wish you woulda just let me be here for you

Why didn’t you let me, love you?

But I’m still thankful for this. For you. For us.

For all the laughs & all the memories

For allowing me to experience a love so damn real

For all the lessons you’ve taught me

And for letting me go...when I couldn’t find the strength to let us go

When it’s all said and done,

I hope you find your peace

But let’s be clear -

You were never worthy of my love

And you’re right

I deserve more than what you could’ve ever given me.

I’ve found my peace.